Go Gently (part 3)
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Hey, after school call me
Let’s shoot the shit
“Can you believe that thing that CJ did after homeroom?”
“My God, what a trip.”
“Can you believe that laugh we shared
With Stephanie Crovella
After gym class
In the hall
When we were late
And Mrs. Cromer was pissed?”
Come on girl, let’s
Slide down the stairs after the bell rings
Pass notes doodled with rainbows
And stars represent
How many letters in my crushes name
Count them — Two
Three, four, five, no there’s six
Six letters sprawl across my fist
Relaxes, hands become palms
Open once again
And even I become a melody
That seems much more mellow
Lean into death, sighs together,
“Yeah, gosh… I remember when.
Life seemed so much more simple then.”
Bursting into laughter
Even now, as I smile back at Death
He winks to me softly and I, spry
Start the giggle-fest, feel its fairy wings spread
Cross my chest, oh my god if that wasn’t such a lie!
Laying in the locker room after gym class
Hands cross my chest
Hiding my nipples as I slipped in my bra
Buckled in the back, now spin spin spin
Right arm, left arm
Learning my first magic trick
(shrug) Hey, every girl’s got her secrets
Victoria’s Secret was Love Spell
And I donned the smell, spritzed it, doused in it,
Hell danced in it, to hide my “B.O.” and blend in with the rest,
Hoping somehow the purple smell would help
Dodge the glances and comments and jests
That 13 year old girls might make at your chest
Stabbing us, knifing one another with our inflictions
When we thought to belong, we had to be cruel to one another
Nobody told me, us, them
To try and take the path of kindness
So instead we put others down in hopes it lifted us above the rest
Just high enough to be critical
So the other bullies had no fuel
And maybe they just wouldn’t notice us
If we could suppress
Our personalities and uniqueness.
We perceived these as flaws, tried so hard
To be good, thin, and small.
We didn’t know who we were
So instead we pretended to be the girls in magazines
Tearing out free samples of concealer that never matched our skin
We patted it on, then blend blend blend blend blend,
Stare sideways glance in the mirror
Imitating the rest.
Damn.
Now’s better.
(bend). It gets better.
Things always get better.
Anyways, Death when did you become such an old friend?
I guess you’ve been here all along
I honestly never knew how much Life meant
You were waiting here secretly
Patiently this whole time
Trying to show me
How sweet it is ❤
If it weren’t for you or your pains or your thorny
Rose, splintered into our sides
Like painful underwire bras or control top pantyhose —
I guess now they call it shapewear-
Death, if not for shapewear or modern corsets,
We wouldn’t know how lucky we are
To take that deep, free, first breath.
And can I just say here
That writing this, I realize Botox
These painful shots of Clostridium Botulinum
Toxins shot in our skin to prevent the look of
Laugh lines, or aging —
Like I didn’t earn every damn wrinkle
I’ve got on my skin —
I see that some of ya’ll are still living there,
Back in that locker room
Junior High School bathroom
In a world where we perpetuate the myth
that day after day, real women don’t grow older.
We can’t accept ourselves in beauty or in death
So we dye our gray hairs
Pluck out the rest, these pesky eyebrows, chin hairs,
Neck lines, saggy breasts.
We keep our composure, silence our pain
All without taking the next step
Towards compassion
For ourself.
“I am beautiful the way I am.”
Say it with me — “I am beautiful the way I am.”
You are, truly, beautiful… it doesn’t really get
Anymore beautiful than this. ❤
Joy will come to pick us up in the mourning
Until then, it’s Slumber Party Makeovers
Issued by Death
Yes, Joy comes in the morning
So just for tonight
Sleep easy, friends.
Pick up your baby blankets, your teddy bears,
Go gently, sweet soldiers. (softly) (sweetly)
And rest ❤
