On Trusting Yourself

“Only when we are brave enough to explore our inner darkness,
will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
-Brené Brown

What does it look like to fully trust myself? What does it look like to trust my voice? What does it look like to lead… not the way you would do it, (no offense) but the way I would do it?

What does it look like to believe in my own ideas, and to have the confidence to show up and speak them boldly out in the open — not just in my own head, or behind closed doors to a trusted companion?

One thing I’m learning for sure:
Trusting myself doesn’t look like being perfect.

In fact, it almost looks like the exact opposite. Trusting myself looks like showing up, despite my insecurities, despite the areas where I lack practicing confidence, and taking that imperfect next step.

Trusting myself looks like showing up — not in spite of imperfect action — but actually with intention of imperfect action. Yes, read it again. Trusting myself looks like showing up on purpose, with every intention and inner knowing that sometimes I’ll succeed, but more than often I won’t get it quite right. More often than not, I will mess up, make mistakes, flip and flop, and fall miles short of my larger-than-life, big, bold self-expectations.

Trusting myself looks like believing in my vision, and knowing that my role as a Visionary and a Dreamer is to see beyond the things that others can see, and to take the kind of risks that scare the crap out of me, but inspire others to walk up to the ledge themselves and consider jumping ,falling, until they find, they too are flying.

Being a leader looks like occasionally taking a “bold, inspired action”, and caring so loud, so hard, so publicly, that you are allowing yourself to be seen as you step out into the arena. And doing so, knowing that regardless of whether you stick the landing or make a big flopping mess of it all, you’ll end up with a “vulnerability hangover” either way; one that rivals the way I felt in my late twenties… you know, when the booze, heartburn, and headaches all started to hit a bit harder and linger longer than they had in my college days.

Ahh… yes, hangovers. I’d almost forgotten how terrible those can feel.
But they were almost ALWAYS worth it.

Sorry, I digressed a little here, but also… maybe I didn’t. Maybe being a big, bold, inspired, MAGNETIC leader is exactly like those days. It’s putting on your hot top and party rock, running out the door with your heels in your hands and leaving in your dust a trail of glitter and sequins, because you just can’t be bothered to stop and comb through the details when there’s SO MUCH TO DO, and time feels forever and youth, infinite.

The ocean used to scare the shit out of me because you can’t see the bottom of it. Honestly, it still does. I stand there with my toes in the sand, but the tumbling waves, they call to me. The sun is scorching and the view is breathtaking, and I feel like a dog on a leash, just begging myself to let me go grab a boogie board and play in the waves.

So maybe that’s it… that piece of trusting myself. Maybe being MAGNETIC IS jumping in the sea, face first, and knowing you’ll survive the surf; Why? Because you’ve done harder and scarier things a million times before… and even when your footing becomes un-sure, you can trust your mind and muscle memory will help you breathe, it will lift you up , and carry you to shore.