Kristen Yaney
5 min readFeb 21


Hello & Welcome to SHAME CAFÉ.

Please take a look at our menu. We hope you find something that appeals to your particular taste for unpleasant emotions!


  • “White Hot Shame”
    White chocolate mocha with a drizzle of self-doubt and 2 pumps of sugar-free self-deprecation. Caution: Scorching hot liquid you’ll feel coursing inside of you for weeks to come.
  • Prickly Pear Latte”
    Maybe this was a bad idea (but we will never admit to that). This beverage was created from the deep feelings that arise from ego, shame, guilt, fear of being foolish or silly, and not being confident enough to say when you don’t know or are wrong. The prickly cactus pokes mixed with a kick of caffeination will remind you of what it feels like to let your adrenaline soar when you are going against your gut, and the heavy dose of chili powder mimics anger and cortisol dumping into your bloodstream. A must-try for all perfectionists and anyone who wants to put their parasympathetic nervous system into a state of overwhelm and void of play and joy! Delicious cold or hot, since you bounce between these two extremes anyways! Enjoy!
  • Grind my Gears”
    This sweet treat will grind against your gut and make you want to hide, isolate, or run away. Blended espresso, caramel crunch, and 7 pumps of hating yourself. Topped with overly beaten self-esteem, whipped into a tightly compressed ball of undigestable loathing. We intentionally make it decadent so you can enjoy a guilt-ridden experience that is Unforgettable. I mean that literally. You will replay this sensory experience over and over again, mentally rehearsing it until you cry out and reach to TikTok or any brain-wasting medium you can find to distract yourself with your phone.
  • “One Trick Pony”
    Vanilla milkshake. This one is actually pretty good. The problem is that we know this is basically our only trick in the book and we keep going back to it over and over again. We lean in too heavily to this one thing we know we’re good at, and overuse it to the point of burnout and no return. This drink inspired the slogan you see on our merch and mugs at Shame Cafe, “It’s not about what we’re good at, it’s what we’re known for.” Honestly, we regret making this because now it’s our brand and whether we like doing it or not, we’re kind of stuck with it. I guess this must be how Elton John felt when he wrote “Piano Man.” Iconic. Legendary. Inescapable Label Making. We’re ripe for rebranding, but a bit nervous to take this off the menu, since it’s been our survival mechanism for so long.
  • Shamrock Shake
    We’re trying something new to see if we have any luck. Yes, it’s a direct copy of our competitor… but come on, their milkshake machine is always broken. Maybe we can drum up something new or at least install different programming. Maybe I can finally be better at this than my brother? Maybe I can finally direct or accomplish something? Maybe I can finally find a better combination than jelly and peanut butter? Anyways, I guess the point of this story is no one is ever going to order this offer from the menu, because it’s completely based on the idea of something else and its basically copyright infringement in milkshake form. Probably better if we base our ideas and ingredients on something else then.
  • The Idea Incubator
    This isn’t a drink, it’s a muffin. We had to come up with something. We sort of put all our ideas in a blender, and we’re really excited to head into the interesting territory and world of baked goods! (By the way, this article is completely unedited. Isn’t that interesting just reading out someone’s ideas as a stream of consciousness? Isn’t it more fascinating that what lives in my head is a concept for beverages at Shame Cafe and blended baked goods?). I read an article this morning about the founder of Milk Bar, and she really wanted to create something intimate and fun that brought pleasure to other’s experiences. I’m starting to think that maybe the solution/answer to doing something significant is rooted in thinking first about OTHERS experiences. Perhaps the Shame Bar is always open, but we can circumvent some of those feelings by purchasing events and credits that are founded not by focusing on ourselves. Interesting. We must continue to puruse and explore this.
  • Several Weeks Later
    This idea came to us in a dream, sometime in late February. We were actually in our waking hours, but it felt like we were walking amongst spirits in a foreign forbidden forest. This dream state felt like a state where we were surrounded by an all you can eat buffet of dreamlands.
    We felt like all of these ideas were flowing, and wanted to get recorded, so we grabbed our tape deck and our handy dandy notebook! We felt ourselves more than ever before walking amongst muses. Inspired by an Island in the Mediterranean, we created a list of concepts to explore & one by one we could feel it lift us out of the foggy misty morning. Lots of new ideas get generated. There are plot lines for hundreds of stories. Archetypes are a plenty. There is no lacking of good ideas. Basically, this drink is a Choose Your Own Adventure. One sip, and you’ll be on a trip! We can’t really guarantee the ingredient list, but it’s something that kind of takes you out of space-time. Oh, and p.s. if you’re going to order this, the beings of that realm would like to remind you that “If you’re going to walk alongside us in this forest, don’t forget to bring a tape recorder.”

I guess that just about does it for us at the Shame Cafe! If you ordered the “Several Weeks Later”, don’t be too surprised if you’ve written in about a thousand journals or have gone on hearing voices. You may have even noticed a cheeky Australian accent adopted by our narrator.

Alrighty, then. What’s your to-go order?

We’ve got one “White Hot Shame”, hold the drizzle, and one other Brave soul who as ordered the “Several Weeks Later.” This one comes with a side of shaman, which is highly reccomended for ya. You might just want some help integrating that experience.

Okay, here’s your coffees. Have a great day! And remember, when you’re walking with god-sent muses in the sacred lands of foreign forests, you will want to bring your tape recorder. Definitely will come by many, divinely inspired suggestions and you don’t want to miss out on that, do ya?

Photo by Jay Mantri on Unsplash



Kristen Yaney

Writer, Comedian, Poet, and Podcaster. Focused on women, worth, wayfinding, friendship, trust, & faith. Deeply funny, because your heart is both. (Seattle, WA)